Written b y Chelsea Ryan.
As a female student, I began to think about the struggles I’ve faced and wondered what kind of things do men experience.
I can read the research and offer my empathy, but I could never truly understand the lived experience of navigating university as a man today. So, I decided to stop guessing and walked up to a communal whiteboard in the library and I wrote a heading ‘Mens Mental Health’ and two simple questions:
- What is something you struggle with everyday?
- How do you manage this/ advice you’d give to others?
I left a bundle of whiteboard markers, walked away and left it for one week. When I came back, the board was no longer blank. It had become a silent, whiteboard marker-stained map of the modern male university student.
The answers on the board showed so much about the struggles men are facing today but what really hit home was the words and the ticks beside them.
For example, one person had wrote:
Being in a room with a load of people, and feeling alone.
Beside this was a comment saying ‘I feel that’ along with other ticks showing this was a common feeling. In a building packed with hundreds of students, the weight of isolation seemed to be the most common burden. It’s a quiet paradox: being surrounded by peers, yet feeling entirely invisible.
The ticks on the board weren't just ink, they represent a national trend where men often feel they have to carry these weights in total isolation until it becomes too much.
Other worries that men faced included:
- Fear of the Failure: The paralysing dread of failing exams.
- Dropping out: 'Wanting to drop out but not telling anyone'.
- The Juggling Act: The exhausting mental load of balancing family expectations, financial stress, and a full-time study workload.
- Financial Strain: There was an evident amount of worries over money including people writing ‘cost of living increasing’ and ‘student loans’.
Seeing these written down made one thing clear: the pressure to 'have it all together' is still very much alive and men in university are facing this more than ever.
Male students
Glimmers of Hope
However, the second half of the board offered a glimmer of hope. These men aren't just carrying weights; they are finding ways to set them down, even if only for an hour.
The management strategies weren't flashy or complex. They were deeply human:
Quiet Escapes
Several mentioned getting lost in a favourite fiction novel or heading to the beach to let the sound of the water drown out the noise of the world. One person had written ‘floating on the top of the water in the swimming pool to relax my mind’
Breaking the Silence
I was surprised and moved to see "chatting to lecturers" and "taking medication" on the list. It shows that the "tough it out" era is slowly being replaced by a "get help" era. One mentioned that they may even talk to their GP after seeing the board.
Exercise
Many of the comments mentioned going for a run, listening to loud music, going to the gym or signing up for a marathon!
Simple Connection
Meeting a friend for a coffee. No grand intervention, just being seen, connected and heard was super important and effective.
Student Support
A collection of students highlighted the support available on campus such as Student Wellbeing, reaching out to lecturers, UUSU, the Chaplaincy, Sensory Room and even the Student Hardship Fund. One student wrote:
The Student Hardship Fund helped me when I felt like I had no option to stay in Uni because of financial issues.
What I Learned
Standing in front of the whiteboard, I realised that sometimes we overcomplicate mental health support. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is to provide a space, even if it is just a whiteboard for people to admit how they feel and begin to feel a bit less alone.
To the men who wrote on that board, thank you for your honesty. You reminded me that while the weights you carry are heavy, you don't have to carry them in total silence. You also most likely helped others and that is truly the power of connection.
The next time you feel 'alone in a room full of people', look around. The person at the next desk might be holding the exact same weight as you. Maybe it’s time we started talking about it.
My whiteboard experiment was just one week, but it highlighted a conversation that needs to stay open. International Men’s Health Week is approaching this June.This theme reminds us that men shouldn’t have to carry their weights alone. Whether it’s a lecturer, a GP, or just a friend sitting at the next library desk, we all play a role in supporting each other’s wellbeing.
Find Support
If you’re struggling today, don’t wait for an awareness week to speak up. The ticks on the board showed that you aren't the only one feeling this way. Reach out, grab a coffee with a mate, or speak to Student Wellbeing.
Access confidential advice and guidance from Student Wellbeing via:
Telephone: 028 9536 7000
Email: studentwellbeing@ulster.ac.uk
In person:
Belfast: BC-02-101
Coleraine: E023
Derry~Londonderry: MG108G
Outside university hours, help is available 24/7 with:
- Lena (by Inspire) student counselling: 0800 028 5510
- Lifeline: 0808 808 8000
- Samaritans: 116 123
- Papyrus Hopeline: 0800 068 4141
- In an emergency, call police, fire and ambulance services on 999
- Silent Solution Guide - if you’re in an emergency situation and need police help, but can’t speak, Make Yourself Heard and let the 999 operator know your call is genuine.
About the Author
Chelsea is from Tipperary and studies Graduate Entry Medicine at Ulster’s Derry~Londonderry campus. With a background in Health Promotion and Mental Health from SETU Waterford, she’s passionate about wellbeing and peer support, and shares her experiences as a first-generation student through her blog.
